Home at Last
Chocolate Lover by Henry Taylor
It had been a long day, but not longer than any other. Jerome had been used these long days for quite some time now. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Woke up, showered, went to work, worked, and went home. Well, not quite. See there was one extra step in Jerome's daily schedule for the past few months. That's because a few months ago is when Auntie Bambosa's, a family-run bakery, opened up shop along the route that Jerome took to get home from work. After a particularly grueling day behind the desk, Jerome decided "why not?" and opted to visit the new shop.
It was the middle of Winter at the time. When Jerome pulled into the small parking lot next to the building he wasn't expecting much. The air was cold and the wind made it colder, nipping at his cheeks as he made his way from his car to the door or the building. As soon as he pushed the doors open he was greeted with a homely warmth and the pleasant jingle of a tiny bell. He talked to the owner who was "Auntie Barbosa's" niece, and was convinced to buy some food, an apple pie to be exact. It didn't take much convincing. The pie smelled divine and it took immense concentration and willpower for Jerome not eat it until he got home. When the sweet taste of apple and cinnamon finally met his tongue it was as if his entire day had been overwritten with the joy and fun of Jerome's youth.
Ever since that day, Jerome had made visiting Auntie Barbosa's part of his daily routine. It was the one thing he looked forward to at the end of every long day. It was the one thing that motivated him when he was at work. This time, it was a cherry pie and Jerome had also bought a bag of Lay's BBQ chips to go with it. When he got home, he went to the kitchen and took out his special knife for cutting pies after work. With slow, carefully drawn out cuts, as if cutting the pie were a sacred tradition, Jerome liberated a slice of pie from the tin and placed it on a small white dish. Jerome took the dish over to the table where he placed it not in front of where he would be sitting, but to the right of where he'd be sitting, just as he did every day. Then he grabbed his chips and was going to open them but came to a dilemma. Should he eat his chips first, which would certainly be good but not nearly as satisfying as the slice of cherry pie, or should he eat the pie first and then eat the chips as a way of easing off the wonder of the pie by immediately switching tastes? Baffled, Jerome sat in his seat, in his home, in absolute silence, and took just a moment to think about what he really wanted.
Martin, so much to like here. This is essentially a very vivid description of one man's day and his love of the bakery. That is totally fine because you take us through it by using sensory details--the smells, the taste of cinnamon, the jingle of the bell on the door--so we are with you the entire way. You are good at naming things; giving your character a name for instance, and then also naming the bakery. Your classmates should read this as an example because you really have striven to keep us in this moment in time. If you were going to push forward with Jerome, you would continue seeking to figure out what he wants, or else you would have that established from the very beginning. The easiest answer here is that he's lonely and the company of the people at the store and the comfort of the food are what make his life bearable. So, your next step in storytelling would be to take something away from him. Have the bakery close down or something that would force him to reconsider his routine, and to push outside of the limits of his experience. As we start thinking about the podcast stories, keep Jerome in the back of your mind. He might be a character whose life you want to continue exploring.
ReplyDelete